Team Muzungu

Saturday and we went to the Black Monster again for muscle beating, and prepared for a night out in a local Ugandan drinking courtyard just outside of town. Laurence failed to make this adventure but perked up quickly as we came home and jumped on him. We then moved to a pool bar owned by one of our friends named Emily, hence the name "Ems Lounge"! Many bottles of 007 bond whiskey was devoured and a night in Casino club occured when things started to get slightly lairy. Ben was flirting away in German to a girl named Eva, and Holden was dancing with Dan Farnfield and Mark Malinga the 20 beer drinker. Ed had and interesting evening, and there was drama all round; but the message to all on this matter is....."just don't waste your time with

girlfriends, they may get you up, but they'll always let you down."

Sunday and it was Eds last night, a trip to town and some shopping was what we needed before playing a football game against some locals at which we won 4-1! Great play from Ashton and Andrew our driver secured a comfortable win, despite the fact the opposition were currently fasting...oh the joys of atheism! Once again a rigid outdated monotheistic deity belief sytem handicaps the 21st Century.

India fell sick so Holden, Ed, and Ash wen to visit her while Laurence and Chris the new liason officer of the guest house wacked up a classic two tray mass of Cottage Pie, 7 episodes of the OC Holden's new passion, and we waved goodbye to Ed Vanes. Thank you Ed for your friendship, but to us, you will always be: "Ed Vanes, part time striker, part time Boda driver", (reference, the Skills Haven video on our facebook profiles).

On Monday we needed a lie in. Another trip to the scrapheap challege style gym, and we took along a newbe, Sam, the new boss of Hailerbury Youth Trust, what a lad. The evening entailed yet another goodbye party, For Rachel from WGS, and Dan Farnfield, a true legend and LMVC. A BBQ up at Mark Malinga's house where a pig was slaughtered and lots of beer and speeches were enjoyed by all, god I'm writing like a pompus bellend. The pork kebabs really made excalliber look like a butter knife, and we retired to bed early after watching the Man U vs

Newcastle game, and a banterous skype convo with the one and only J Breakaway Mitchell.

Nearly time for Killi now...so will have to wait about 7-8 days for the next blog!

"Does any body want a chebab....??" Banter and the Chode, over and out. xxx

Who's your black monster?

The babies home night shift was just another classic chapter in the adventures, of Laurence and Holden. Several wake ups throughout the night but overall we battled through the poo, wee, milk, and crying but still smashed a good 6 hours sleep. Tuesday and we returned to our regular routine, a trip to our newly discovered gym called "The Black Monster Weight Lifting Club"!. If any one could argue lifting scrap metal and old tyres wasn't fun, they'd be wrong. A truely

African adventure as we made friends with the local meat heads of Jinja, and in summary, the most experimental fitness session of our lives, certainly the pearl of Africans weight lifting circuit, Arnie would have been proud. Tuesday evening and it was Sarah's last night, a trip up to "The Black Lantern", an A La Carte restaurant over looking the Nile, situated next to a back packers bar. The BBQ rips were divine, and the beer was refreshing, definately a recipe to disaster. And it was! Drinking games and Cardiff based chat enabled Laurence and Holden to take home the cup and title of funniest people in Jinja. We did however have some sad news. Annabel decided to break down, we were just praying she would pull through...

Wednesday and we smashed out another Gym session at Damwaters Health first club. We waved goodbye to Sarah and had a meal with the boys and an early night as Thursday was to be a good one. The next day we spent a productive day reading, practicing and listening to music. We also indroduced the game of Pat Ball in a perfect court that was in the garden of our guest house, Ash and Ed certainly struggled against the experience and finesse of Holden and Laurence. We had a lot of rain as well! We went to town to go shopping with Ed and Ash to get DVD's and buy all the ingrediants for our classic meat towered homemade pizza's! A great evening had buy all.

Friday was a day we were all preparing for, Holden and India had a gig that evening at a venue called "The Keep". We reahersed all day and got ready for our set. Although they did'nt serve alcohol in the venue, the boys got on it hard before and smuggled in ye olde jesus juice in the christian venue Holden played and got behind him and India as we ripped the place up with J-mraz and the classic 4- chord medley, (wish Mitch was there). We moved onto another bar and watched several people pass out in pubs on our crawl through Jinja Main Street. What a night !!!!

Banterwiess und die chode

Flushed away

Friday night and this can only mean one thing, Holden went to Nile resort while Ben did some work and sulked about his loss in the rugby, however, Ben did absolutely trash Holden and pool and darts on Wednesday evening which left Holden in a mood for about 5 hours as Holden firmly believes pub games is more important than the Football World Cup. So we called a "lads night". Holden, Ash, Ed, and Laurence, we played drinking games at a bar and laughed for bloody hours.

Saturday, and it could only mean one thing, a whole day at the pool, great tanning, and swimming, pizza watching the sunset with Mark Malinga our headmaster and others. Later we went to club, and the classic case of one thing lead to another happened as we had to retire home early for beef samosa's as Laurence landed an elbow on someone trying to rob us! Sunday was definitley a chill out day, we went for a classic African dinner at Carols house, (the school P.A) were we ate, drank and met her children (see photo).

The weather has now picked up and Killi-mangina is just over the Horizon. Now today is Monday, and Holden spent the morning at the orphange, and he met with Laurence and Sarah in town for an African lunch and market shopping and we prepare for an evening shift at the babies home. We are cooking them pork kebabs which if I'm going to be honest is the only good thing about tonight, 12 babies in one room = no sleep. We also have had countless cases of cockroaches in our room. Laurence so far to count has killed 3 medium sized ones. His killing technique has been strong and his flushing of the vermin has all round was solid. Holden got his first kill the other night, and he caught an ogerous, monstrous beast and with assistance from Ben was needed on the flushing. We sealed a tight layer around the roach effectiveley mummifiying the bastard in loo roll,3 flushes later, he was never to been seen shuffling annoymously around our hollow, vacant room.

Adios Brits, Banter and the Chode. xx

lions eat elephants?

So Tuesday after Holden's moisturiser incident, he went for lunch meeting about the babies home and went to the gym with Ben. That evening Holden and Laurence went for a date at Barazza, had pizza, and talked about deep and meaningful things, basically...how boring it must be having a girlfriend! Meanwhile Holden afterwards went out for some beers with a german guy named Paul, and on the way home got chased by wild diseased infected violent dogs, standard. Oh, and Annabel broke down again but we are very immune to this now.

Anyway, rugby training Wednesday afternoon, in preparation for the big game on Thursday when school term finishes of Alex's Team (the Elephants) Vs Ben's Team (the Lions), winner takes all. After the final assembley Ed and Ash had their girls football team play against one another followed by the rugby. The Lions roared into the lead in the first 10 minutes by scoring below the posts, unfortunatley the lions paw clawed the ball to the right of the posts and it was 5-0. In the final minute of the first half the elephants stomped through the lions defence to score by the posts and this time the mighty elephant hoofed the ball between the sticks. 7-5 to the elephants. The second half became more physical with both elephants and lions being swung, smashed and hurled into the enthusiastic crowd. A few near scores from both teams but the game finished 7-5 and the school errupted with cheers to celebrate an afternoon infused with both entertainment and skill. A re-match has been called in September when term starts again....The Lions will have their revenge!

love from B & the C xx

So a bike crash was definately on the cards. Ben hands off the handle bars, Holden steering from the back, a recipe for disaster; and it was. Moving about 5mph we pathetically fell off the side, a few bruises and scratches but we lived to fight another day. The weekend was a similar situation with epic nights out with the boys and gals from Busoga Trust on top form. Sunday and a trip to church with the born again christians, for those Borat fans, it was exactly like that. Singing, dancing, rolling around on the floor, and general all round exaggerated praise only seen before at CYNT ( a mad night in Cardiff). The football video made, (check on my facebook page) and we had an early night as we prepared for rafting the great river Nile the next day.

up at 8.30, strong coffee, boiled eggs, life vests, helmets, look like bellends. 6 in a boat...Henry our raft guide said "how do you want to take the rapids? medium or hard?" Laurence replied "hard, very hard"...it was carnage, 40km stretch of blue skies and grade 5 white water drowning us at every opportunity, we flipped on every rapid in true style as it churned raft and bodyparts in all directions like a giant blender and in many occassions Holden used his face to cushion the flying paddles. A glorious 45 minute stretch of flat open water at midday with some pineapple and biscuits as we all went dipping in the crocodile infested water and backflipped off the raft before the beasting began once again. The final rapid known as the "bad place" truely was an adrenaline junkie's wet dream a perfect scenario to commit the perfect suicide.

A long bus journey back to the rafting campsite. We had a massive beef kebab BBQ and free beer. We waited for our rafting video to be shown and 9pm on the big screen while the bar filled up, and we soaked ourselves in aftersun after a full day in the sun. Talking of aftersun, Ben and Ed decided to cover Holdens face in aftersun after he retired to the dorm about 50 metres from the bar. As he woke up the next morning, blind in one eye, he slapped Laurence round the face and drove home leaving the boys to make their own way home, revenge is sweet. Overall rafting on the Nile is one of the best experiences to date, a great day out, mental waters, loads of food and booze, free accomodation, and great pranks by mates.

we've given him some before, but can we give him more.....Banter and the Chode xxx

Smashing and crashing

Torrential rain is not our friend. Though it may help to ripen fruits, it

turns Laurence and Holden rotten. This is particularly exasibated when

on a motorbike with flip-flops and t-shirts! It's been on and off all week

like a strobe light, darkening the sky's one moment then giving glimpses

of sunny hope the next.

Laurence first encountered an adverse effect of this on route to school on

monday in order to teach after it has been raining thick slug sized droplets

all night. It was a clear morning with a handful of puddles on the cement

roads no bigger than a frisbee.However the route to school gets slightly

more "traditional" i.e. Mud! to say the least Annabel wasn't equipped for the

African soil which gets baked in the heat all day and when added with water

turns to clay and effortlessly clings to the tyres, hardens and stops them

moving. It was like driving Annabel on an ice-rink. Basically had to abandon

ship and all hope on a road in the middle of no-where with only wheat crops

as companions.

Laurence was stuck for a good hour until a farmer and his stick helped pry off

the parasite and we edged forward only to jam again 1 metre down the road.

This happened all the way home and as you can deciphere this tale unfolds in

a tedious inevitability with a few bails, a load of sludgey mud on the clothes

and an agonisingly long and brain numbing morning. On a positive note it was

actually kind of fun sliding around the muddy roads and completely losing

control. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Holden was in his legion of doom as he was

sick. Neggin hard we picked up our day by the scruff of our balls and went to

town, and met up later with Emily Young and her team. A couple of beers at Adrift

and a fight at drop zone pub completed a day for banterous souls.

Wednesday, and the big day has finally surfaced, attempted only by those with no

fear of lash, gash, and smash. Blossoming in our white gillets, and white tracky

B's, our market trip truely would have made take that proud! We cooked a spicy cake

for Sarah and Jade's (twins) birthday and drank gallons of Ugandan Gin and beer.

After several chunders, we went to the club on the back of a pick up truck with 30

others. Sadly a girl died in the club out the back and she didn't make it. What

makes a banterous night unacceptable is when there is a girl passed out in a bad

way, and there is not ambulance service available, and no hospital open at night.

A shame to experience such thing, but Ben did carry her out over his shoulder.

A hungover day today but it is Rachels 19th Birthday, so a nice dinner tonight

will be much desired... Holden had a Sonrise meeting in town but apart from that

it has been a fairly boring day...

Stay classy world, Banter and the chode. xx

Hi team, hope you are all well wherever you are in the world. Uganda is really hot, and lots has

been going on over the last week. So Saturday night was awesome...a trip up to "campsite" just up from Bujagali Falls was where the damage started, after a swim at Nile Resort Hotel and pizza at "Adrift" (a place over looking the Nile) allowed Holden and Laurence to let their hair down. Which by the way is getting quite long now, We really are getting into the shabby travelers role! A messy night in the club was key, and Laurence managed to pick up a very nice tall blonde Dutch girl, yet what is important to note is the fact he was "cock-blocked" not by Holden for once, but by her ugly sister...Stumbling home with some beef samosas we hit the hay and had a nice late rise the next day.

Sunday....um.....can't even remember what we did.....nevermind, I'll move on.

Monday, and the arrival of Ash and his brother Ed arrived! Ash an old shoe to Uganda kicked things off in style. Meeting with Godfrey in the morning, and we got some certificates made for the rugby boys at school. They read like this:

"Lords Meade Vocational College awards

(name)

...................

The Holden and Laurence

rugby achievment

award

For commitment to rugby and sports

Signed: Ben Laurence, and Alex Holden"

We handed these out in assembly, effectively, we founded rugby colours at the school, strong. A quick speech in assembly about us achieving second place in the tournament 3 weeks back and a welcome speech for Ash and Ed. It was their first night so some beers at the pub and some games of pool was on the agenda for the evening. Tuesday, and trip to town for a Laurence, Holden, Connor and Sam t-shirt shopping in the market was the plan of action. Some interesting t-shirts were purchased and some were rather spectacular. Holden bought one which had bright orange sleeve saying, "wendys burger house, homemade hamburgers", another saying "rock out with your cock out". Laurence was caught browsing at the starwars t-shirts, but settled for the "milo" one. Rugby training in the afternoon, Kene take note, we have now taught the boys the drop kicking game with the zones either side of the posts, it's alot tougher with stones on the pitch and hard red soil. Talking of soil, Holden soiled his pants the other day. followed by watching "kick ass", what a film, and not to mention,Jenny made us guaqamole and chicken wraps for dinner, night night sunshine.

Wednesday,and we had lunch in a new restaurant called "The keep", epic because they had Nandos piri piri sauce. A trip to sonrise orphanage with India to change some nappies, and back to go food shopping for "bangers and mash, banters and lash". Holden went on a mega lash to Sombraros while Laurence had an early night as he had 4 hours of economics teaching from 9am with the 6th form and a revision session because their mocks start next week. It was tiring but a productive day, a complete contrast to Holdens; whom Laurence passed on the motorbike on the way to school stumbling and choding his way home with a bottle of waragji in one hand. Anyway that night Holden, Laurence and India were on 'Baby Night Patrol' at Sonrise...basically pooey nappy's, screaming and more poo. We got little to no sleep as seen by the picture of Holden and Laurence negging in the morning (no we aren't hungover this time). The mood was lightened however by a 3am skype call from Levey who could not stop laughing for 15 minutes at the sight of us struggling to change nappy's and keep babies quiet, at the same time Nick from Melbourne gave us a quick call and laughed his head off at us man handling babies!! so much poo....

Anyway Keep Chillin' like a Villain.....muchos besos, Banter and the Chode xxxx

Bombs away!

Another blog entry in the Laurence and Holden adventures. Well the bombscares have definitely shaken things up here in Uganda. On Wednesday 75 people we confirmed dead. A bomb was let off in the National Kampala Rugby ground on the night of the world cup final, and another was let of in a bar in the capital centre. On Thursday however it was 74 people confirmed dead as one poor blighter was put in the dead pile while alive....being buried alive, not acceptable, "kill bill fans" eat your heart out. Two people were found with hand grenades trying to enter the National Agricultural show just down the road in Jinja on Thursday, but all is well; and the only blasts we have heard have been from Annabel's exhaust while cruising through the muddy tracks of Uganda.

Holden and Laurence have sampled in some cooking this week and laid off the booze a tad. A massive spag bol has kept our energy levels high but the classic case of "diarrea is like hair colour, it runs in the jeans" has still been a frequent topic of conversation. Kevin and Elspeth (trusties of the Bujagali Trust) hosted a massive lunch on Thursday for all the sponsors and staff of schools, where 3hours of speeches happened before food even arrived, TIA! Sam the accountant, Laurence and Holden popped off to Sonrise babies home in the afternoon for some bed assembling, and babies Boda Boda rides (motor bike rides) which is where we met Amy again....the manager of Sonrise. The evening entailed a goodbye meal for Kevin and Elspeth, where Holden and Laurence attended expecting 9 people, thankfully it was just the four of us. An Indian feast was devoured with some Nile Special beer and some games of pool finished a great evening fit for kings.

Friday and we got up early for a breakfast "rolex", which is a cabbage and onion omelette cooked on the street corner wrapped in a chappati and rolled up, it costs about 15p!! We went to school for a meeting with a teacher who writes textbooks and we helped him with some editing and writing....oh the joys of language. Another gym session getting stacked and then pork and chips for dinner at a local shack, before watching an illegally downloaded copy of "green zone" and a game of hearts.

A lie in was definitely on the cards for today.....and Laurence and Holden are sitting in a restaurant on the laptops with a drinkin the Ugandan sun. Quote Ben " I feel like were are undercover British journalists sitting here Holds", element boy! Off to Nile resort now, probably the most beautiful swimming pool in the world overlooking the Nile. A massive night out tonight in Jinja is definitely on the cards, lets hope we don't get "Maria'd".

Missing you all lots................NOT, banter and the chode. xx

Captains (b)log

Morning world, about a week behind here, but I'll try to fill you in what we've been up to!

So Wednesday entailed another day coaching rugby and a ladies night out which ended messy... On the Thursday we had a chill out day, helping out Will and John two of the voulunteers

and a couple of trips to the market left only one out come as the weekend came around quickly.

The Gappys in the Guest house are all leaving this monday (bum out) so naturally a friday and

saturday lashing for a few casuals was a must!...beers,gin and 200ml vodka sachets equivalent

to 25p a packet got us hooooooned in 'Viewers' the sweatiest club in the world and Laurence

woke up starkers on the shower floor with the water still running. Strong. Saturday, same state

of affairs. A few shapes on the dancefloor followed by Holden shuttling the entire guest house

on the motorbike to the Nile dam at 5am, where we paid a fisherman to borrow his old old wooden ship and sailed into the warm orange morning mist to watch the sunrise...

8:30am the next day we have to take the boys to damnwaters for the regional 7's rugby tournament,It was a dark day. Before we leave, brush our teeth, with a bottle of Jack. But the boys did well and we came second to qualify for the Nationals in Kampala this weekend which is most likely to be cancelled as the bombings took place at the rugby club, glad the tournament wasn't last weekend. World cup final evening and it was a poor evening for all. Holden stayed in bed and slept 18 hours straight and no one but Ben, John and Connor bothered staying out for the whole game, but the Spanish did win apparently....er beurgh.

Monday was a good day heading to town to attempt to go on the internet, but no...it was off

everywhere. A quick trip to see the babies at Sonrise with India and then a final BBQ and

guitar songs to say goodbye to Livy, Liberty, Ollie, Marie-Ann and Mary; and then there were

five. Holden did however try to steal Connor's homemade cookies across the room while Laurence distracted him by telling him stories. One kick to balls and a punch and the mission failed. Off to Lunch now but hope you all have a good week. Hopefully the bombers don't stray a

couple of miles over Jinja way!

Stay steady team, Banter and the Chode. xx

Days go by

So another weekend starring the classic adventures of Laurence and Holden. Friday was a good day popping to sonrise babies home again and chilling out with the little ones, followed by a massive "chilli con arne" (the muscle building type), and drinks as it was Tom's dads 60th Birthday! Some beers at the pub and watching Ghana lose, not the outcome we were hoping for.

Saturday and more rugby training at Lords Meade, now the backs were flying and the forwards were lineouting, rucking and mauling....at times it was carnage to be honest, but when in Rome. To the only thing to do on a Saturday night is of course go to Somberaros, epic, dancing, Ugandan Gin, meeting some posh English girls...and there was of course the classic case of "one thing led to another...."

Hungover Sunday I don't think we saw the morning, but nevertheless, we rose to have lunch at Zamo hotel, and watch some films. Later on a few games of pool and beers at a pub called "drop zone", and ultimately it was one of the most unproductive days of our lifes.

Lets move on, Monday and more work started. Showing some people to Lords Meade and Sonrise, a meeting with Godfrey, and lunch at the source cafe. Not so forget another Holden and Laurence gym session to beat all gym sessions. "Holden and Laurence don't make workout sessions, but if they did, they'd possibily be the best workout sessions in the world!" Sorry got carried away there. The evening entailed a date for Ben and Alex in Leoz an indian restaurant where we saw Sam and a mate....awkward. We headed for some pool....and Holden was tearing Annabel up and down Main Street, what a bellend. Just to make note, didn't get to bed till 3 am because we decided it would be funnier to stay up and laugh, about how crap Mitch's fancy dress outfits were over the last three years at uni.

Tuesday we went for some lunch in town again after waking up, then Holden went for meetings while Laurence popped to the market to purchase some interesting items. One addidas retro purple bag, and a woolen hobo style jumper, thats right the nobend bought a jumper in Africa...Kene you would love it! In the afternoon more Rugby occured and Ollie came down to help coach tackling and we were getting ready for the game on Wednesday. A small incident happened during training as Ben got smashed by three 15 year old school kids and twisted his knee. I'm not joking, all shit the fan. There was swearing, moaning, whining and Holden was left to drive Annabel home on muddy roads all by himself, how selfish can you get. But on a lighter note Holden, Connor, and Ollie cooked homemade burgers of joy while Ben was negging on the sofa with the girls from the house looking after him. Every ingredient in the kitchen was in there, they did however taste awsome. Some beers as Wez came over and some guitar playing with Ollie ended another sucessful evening in the classic adventures of Laurence and Holden.

Stay classy Africa, Banter and the Chode. xx

its all tanning out fine

This Tuesday we had our first rugby coaching session at Lords Meade in the afternoon, various
skill levels,basic passing drills and clap press-ups for dropped balls. Already sweating hard just standing outside coaching but decided to get involved in the touch game at the end and within minutes we were wetter than blind lesbians at a fish mongers...drove annabel back home drenched to find that the water supply to our guest house was off for 3 days. Nightmare. Filled up a few jerry cans of remaining tap water, added some shower gel, put on our birthday suits and BOOM! homoerotic sponge bath! we would have made Ancient Greece proud.

Wednesday a couple of newbies arrive and another leaves-->> perfect excuse for a mega lash on Ladies Night at Sombreros, more waraji, which was a fitting way to end the day after sitting in lessons at school and lerking at ASCO (African street Children's Organisation). We slammed them around corners on Annabel and the never ending shuttle runs were nothing more than epic.Back to the night out, Ben decided to get thrown out of the local Kebabie because of their lack of beef samosa's at 4.30 am, purely glorious.

Thursday was a difficult day dealing with the fact Holden woke up on the sofa in the lounge, and Laurence eventually emerged from his pit of sweat and beer. We headed over to the YMCA nursery for a Bujagali lunch for all the kids and staff, speeches and banter occured atleast at some point as Eddie one of the staff stated he was "really good with little children...." discuss??? A game football in the afternoon, Lords Meade staff Vs the prefects, we lost, but was the best hangover cure hands down. Another Laurence Holden adventure happened when we decided to cook for all 14 people in the guesthouse. The classic stuffed chicken was hilarious, it arrived on the table a mere 2 hours late, but hey, TIA (this is Africa). Beers and the suprise of one of the Hampton Boys to his Girlfriend was incredible....Cardiff boyfriends....take a leaf out of that book.

Banter and The Chode xxx

We headed to Lords Meade for the inter house singing and drama competition which true to the Ugandan way of life started 2hours late and went on for 7 hours. The competing houses were Zebra, Rhino, Hippo and Lion with the drama sketches focusing heavily upon the importance of education, taking the piss out of the staff and casual cross dressing but the folk songs from different tribes across Uganda was next level!! songs of hunting, adultery and tribal warfare; loads of bright colour, energy, war paint, loud drums, whistles and spears...you'd have to see it to believe it. Hippo was announced the winner and the kids literally went nuts bouncing off the walls to snoop dogg blairing off the P.A. system and pretty much suffocated Holden after his speech.

Laurence however was sent on a seperate mission at the end of the performance to investigate the new toy....a motorbike! Basically in Uganda if you require transport you will get on a 'BodaBoda' and he will take up to 3 people including live animals, mattresses or whatever the hell locals manage to fit on a bike across town for a small fee. It's a 125cc Bajaj-Henry TVS star 2008

for an absolute bargain of just 900,000 shillings (£260) for a piece of banter to and from the orphanage, school and town and the daily cross over the Nile dam which cools you down in the hot sun, but whoevers driving does come off slighly more orange from the dust. We are both expert pott-hole dodgers now. I do however have a few little niggles, sure the indicators don't work, it doesn't need a key to start it, speedometer broken,no front break, dodgey wheel allignment and the main headlamp runs on revolutions so the faster the bike the brighter the light...its absolutely perfect. We then decided to call it Annabel, (that's right Miss Wong, I know you are reading this) she's reliable, always a good ride and her idiosyncresis are the main reasons why we love her so much! It was then we drove Annabel home on her first journey with the boys, and got ready for the famous Saturday night out in Jinja town.

Dinner at a restaurant called "Flavours" with no other than "Mark Malinga the beer drinker". Ugandan fillet steak and Nile Special Beer was quaffed, as we moved onto "Spot 6 bar" to watch Ghana beat USA to qualify for the quarter finals. We were joined by several teachers from LMVC, and went to "Somberaros" possibly the most legendary night club in the world. Calling the prostitues "smelly whores" and drinking the Ugandan Gin "Waragji", the night got rather out of control. Ending up in the Ugandan version of "Mama's Kebab"Cardiff, we got a lift home while Holden was in the boot of the car, the rest is history.

An early morning rise was clearly not happening, but we eventually crawled out of our fly nets to meet the boy the Holden family are sponsoring to go to University (Fred Sebatta), and took him to Bujagali falls, a massive rapid on the nile for lunch and a family day out. We didn't take the opportunity however to see the Ugandan kids go down this rapid on a jerry can for 30p, scarely, this is their bloody job!

After dropping Fred back to school we popped over to the babies home, as we washed, dryed, baby oiled, and dressed all the babies it was time to head home; it's fair to say we are very hands on with kids these days! A trip to a bar was in order to watch Germany Vs England, put it this way, Holden now owes Ben 10,000 ugsh, enough said! A couple of beers in town and a game of pool vs the locals enabled us head back to the guest house for some more gin and some local herbs and we hit the hay.

The day started with us heading to the internet cafe to try and post this bloody post, but couldn't as the broadband isn't quite up to scratch when you're in the third world. Another hardcore session in la gym, and lunch at Backpackers has left us about where I am now, sitting on a sofa chilling the hell out. On a more important note, Holden has now learnt to ride a motorbike and he bloody loves it, he's definately got the bug....beware drivers in Cardiff next year, if you she a fat kid with an afro cruising the streets of Cathays,

it will unmistakeably be AKA Choden.

Over and Out, stay Glorious.... banter and the chode. xxx

pottering about

Cool beans! we are now getting use to writing ye olde blogs and hopefully next post we can upload a photo or two, it doesnt help that Uganda doesn't exactly have the best computers and internet and it depends if the electricity deceides to spontaneously . Anyway time to fill you in...on Saturday we went to Lords Meade

DAY 2/3/4

DAY 2

So another successful landing for the curious case of banter and the chode, arriving safely in Entebbe Airport, UGANDA!! Catching up on sleep on the plane, we were ready to tackle the unusual task of bribing the airport security for our three month visa's and off we went to meet Mr Mark Malinga (not the south african fast bowler). We began travelling 2hours across Uganda to arrive in Jinja (east Uganda, google map for more info), and we unpacked into Busoga Trust guest house where we will be staying for the next 3months. Met all the other gappys, and off we were out for dinner at "2friends", our second home for dinner and Nile Special beer with "Mark Malinga the child slinger", and "Godfrey Kiganga the human panda". An early night was required for the boys on tour, the one advantage of Ugandan beer is it makes you "pass aus"!

DAY 3

Up bright and early, and choden went to Damwater Gym for his first "300" work out regime with coach Laurence. Aching muscles and sweaty balls, we came to town for sort out the wheel-barrows of money we needed and Ugandan phones etc. For info Holden's number: +256783926021, Ben's number: +256787425675. We then travelled to school much to Ben's delight on the back of a motor bike, no helmets, standard. Lordes Meade the school where we'll be teaching at greeted us by and introduction speech in the staff meeting, and Ben was given a tour of the school. Shockingly, the staff meeting ended with the disiplinary announcements, importantly, how is gang rape acceptable.......? We then had a quick detour to Sonrise Babies Home for a tour and chat with Damali the owner, before heading back to guest house to get ready for dinner. A reprise dinner at "2friends" with the gappys, lots of beer, gin, pool, world cup footy, lads, lash, bants, prossies, german friends..., and then onto a late night bar "Babez". Holden betting 50,000 notes for pool games, Laurence calling all the prostitues "smelly whores", falling off motor bikes, and stumbling in at 4.30 am....strong start on the lashometer, good from us.

DAY 4

Hanging out our arses, a visit was made to the new Bujagli Trust land for the new school, sweating and spluttering we went market shopping for rice and beef for sonrise, a day playing with the orphans (not in a dodgy way), dinner at the babies home, soda drinks everywhere, poo, nappys, dribble and now I'm off for a bloody beer with Godfrey.

Stay classy England Banter and the Chode xxx

Day 1

Right so here we go! welcome to "banter and the chode's" first ever blog! as some of you already know there have been many Laurence and Holden adventures in the past but non have been crediblly documented and probably for good reason (Amsterdam prime example), as beer, loud music and women result in only two outcomes a) massive headache or b) massive headache followed by rolling over and posing the question "was it good for you?" Cardiff's many adventures also remain undocumented which again trust me is for the best and despite what Mitch tells you "For Your Eyes Only" definitely has a no touching and camera policy.

Anyway this time we sacked off the UK summer lash and decided to go lurking in east Africa on the premiss " I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them." ~Mark Twain.

After a heavy week of Gottwood and Beach Break music festivals post-exams we were more than prepared and organised for the following 3 months in Uganda together with its neighbor Rwanda which are the only countries with Mountain Gorillas in the world. The first stop was casa holden which to say the least was interesting...a few glasses of red wine in the evening and Gerry starts mincing around the kitchen holding a banana to his crotch exclaiming "I will be the first male headmaster of Cheltenham Ladies College!"

The following day we are taken to the pub for one last beer and off to London to find Bill 'chill' Laurence who would put us up for 2 nights and make sure we have the appropriate kilimanjaro gear from his temple of outdoor activities and persuits; 'Decathlon' in canada water. However inevitably after shopping this resulted in more beers, burgers and dirty jokes. Now thoroughly prepared and tipsy as hell we arise at 6am and head to heathrow to Dubai as part of a transfer flight...negative. We did however on arrival (after complementary wine) steal the pillow cases from the flight, put them on our heads, and run off the aeroplane screaming "SHHHAALLALALLALA"...naturally this didn't bode well with security and we searched thoroughly on arrival....twice.

A short trip to the mall of Emirates, 44 degrees outside, instant sweaty sack, saw Jack Jenkins lookalike in full arab attire, spicey curry, paid too much on the metro, beers, world cup and the most uncomfortable departure lounge chairs i've ever had the discomfort to sit on; hence this very detailed and acute journalistic master peice of a blog. Currently 5am in Dubai and flying to Entebbe at 08:20...might get a luggage trolley and hit some serious speeds to pass the time. Righto I'm off, the next post will be from Uganda....

Banter and the Chode xx