We headed to Lords Meade for the inter house singing and drama competition which true to the Ugandan way of life started 2hours late and went on for 7 hours. The competing houses were Zebra, Rhino, Hippo and Lion with the drama sketches focusing heavily upon the importance of education, taking the piss out of the staff and casual cross dressing but the folk songs from different tribes across Uganda was next level!! songs of hunting, adultery and tribal warfare; loads of bright colour, energy, war paint, loud drums, whistles and spears...you'd have to see it to believe it. Hippo was announced the winner and the kids literally went nuts bouncing off the walls to snoop dogg blairing off the P.A. system and pretty much suffocated Holden after his speech.

Laurence however was sent on a seperate mission at the end of the performance to investigate the new toy....a motorbike! Basically in Uganda if you require transport you will get on a 'BodaBoda' and he will take up to 3 people including live animals, mattresses or whatever the hell locals manage to fit on a bike across town for a small fee. It's a 125cc Bajaj-Henry TVS star 2008

for an absolute bargain of just 900,000 shillings (£260) for a piece of banter to and from the orphanage, school and town and the daily cross over the Nile dam which cools you down in the hot sun, but whoevers driving does come off slighly more orange from the dust. We are both expert pott-hole dodgers now. I do however have a few little niggles, sure the indicators don't work, it doesn't need a key to start it, speedometer broken,no front break, dodgey wheel allignment and the main headlamp runs on revolutions so the faster the bike the brighter the light...its absolutely perfect. We then decided to call it Annabel, (that's right Miss Wong, I know you are reading this) she's reliable, always a good ride and her idiosyncresis are the main reasons why we love her so much! It was then we drove Annabel home on her first journey with the boys, and got ready for the famous Saturday night out in Jinja town.

Dinner at a restaurant called "Flavours" with no other than "Mark Malinga the beer drinker". Ugandan fillet steak and Nile Special Beer was quaffed, as we moved onto "Spot 6 bar" to watch Ghana beat USA to qualify for the quarter finals. We were joined by several teachers from LMVC, and went to "Somberaros" possibly the most legendary night club in the world. Calling the prostitues "smelly whores" and drinking the Ugandan Gin "Waragji", the night got rather out of control. Ending up in the Ugandan version of "Mama's Kebab"Cardiff, we got a lift home while Holden was in the boot of the car, the rest is history.

An early morning rise was clearly not happening, but we eventually crawled out of our fly nets to meet the boy the Holden family are sponsoring to go to University (Fred Sebatta), and took him to Bujagali falls, a massive rapid on the nile for lunch and a family day out. We didn't take the opportunity however to see the Ugandan kids go down this rapid on a jerry can for 30p, scarely, this is their bloody job!

After dropping Fred back to school we popped over to the babies home, as we washed, dryed, baby oiled, and dressed all the babies it was time to head home; it's fair to say we are very hands on with kids these days! A trip to a bar was in order to watch Germany Vs England, put it this way, Holden now owes Ben 10,000 ugsh, enough said! A couple of beers in town and a game of pool vs the locals enabled us head back to the guest house for some more gin and some local herbs and we hit the hay.

The day started with us heading to the internet cafe to try and post this bloody post, but couldn't as the broadband isn't quite up to scratch when you're in the third world. Another hardcore session in la gym, and lunch at Backpackers has left us about where I am now, sitting on a sofa chilling the hell out. On a more important note, Holden has now learnt to ride a motorbike and he bloody loves it, he's definately got the bug....beware drivers in Cardiff next year, if you she a fat kid with an afro cruising the streets of Cathays,

it will unmistakeably be AKA Choden.

Over and Out, stay Glorious.... banter and the chode. xxx

pottering about

Cool beans! we are now getting use to writing ye olde blogs and hopefully next post we can upload a photo or two, it doesnt help that Uganda doesn't exactly have the best computers and internet and it depends if the electricity deceides to spontaneously . Anyway time to fill you in...on Saturday we went to Lords Meade

DAY 2/3/4

DAY 2

So another successful landing for the curious case of banter and the chode, arriving safely in Entebbe Airport, UGANDA!! Catching up on sleep on the plane, we were ready to tackle the unusual task of bribing the airport security for our three month visa's and off we went to meet Mr Mark Malinga (not the south african fast bowler). We began travelling 2hours across Uganda to arrive in Jinja (east Uganda, google map for more info), and we unpacked into Busoga Trust guest house where we will be staying for the next 3months. Met all the other gappys, and off we were out for dinner at "2friends", our second home for dinner and Nile Special beer with "Mark Malinga the child slinger", and "Godfrey Kiganga the human panda". An early night was required for the boys on tour, the one advantage of Ugandan beer is it makes you "pass aus"!

DAY 3

Up bright and early, and choden went to Damwater Gym for his first "300" work out regime with coach Laurence. Aching muscles and sweaty balls, we came to town for sort out the wheel-barrows of money we needed and Ugandan phones etc. For info Holden's number: +256783926021, Ben's number: +256787425675. We then travelled to school much to Ben's delight on the back of a motor bike, no helmets, standard. Lordes Meade the school where we'll be teaching at greeted us by and introduction speech in the staff meeting, and Ben was given a tour of the school. Shockingly, the staff meeting ended with the disiplinary announcements, importantly, how is gang rape acceptable.......? We then had a quick detour to Sonrise Babies Home for a tour and chat with Damali the owner, before heading back to guest house to get ready for dinner. A reprise dinner at "2friends" with the gappys, lots of beer, gin, pool, world cup footy, lads, lash, bants, prossies, german friends..., and then onto a late night bar "Babez". Holden betting 50,000 notes for pool games, Laurence calling all the prostitues "smelly whores", falling off motor bikes, and stumbling in at 4.30 am....strong start on the lashometer, good from us.

DAY 4

Hanging out our arses, a visit was made to the new Bujagli Trust land for the new school, sweating and spluttering we went market shopping for rice and beef for sonrise, a day playing with the orphans (not in a dodgy way), dinner at the babies home, soda drinks everywhere, poo, nappys, dribble and now I'm off for a bloody beer with Godfrey.

Stay classy England Banter and the Chode xxx

Day 1

Right so here we go! welcome to "banter and the chode's" first ever blog! as some of you already know there have been many Laurence and Holden adventures in the past but non have been crediblly documented and probably for good reason (Amsterdam prime example), as beer, loud music and women result in only two outcomes a) massive headache or b) massive headache followed by rolling over and posing the question "was it good for you?" Cardiff's many adventures also remain undocumented which again trust me is for the best and despite what Mitch tells you "For Your Eyes Only" definitely has a no touching and camera policy.

Anyway this time we sacked off the UK summer lash and decided to go lurking in east Africa on the premiss " I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them." ~Mark Twain.

After a heavy week of Gottwood and Beach Break music festivals post-exams we were more than prepared and organised for the following 3 months in Uganda together with its neighbor Rwanda which are the only countries with Mountain Gorillas in the world. The first stop was casa holden which to say the least was interesting...a few glasses of red wine in the evening and Gerry starts mincing around the kitchen holding a banana to his crotch exclaiming "I will be the first male headmaster of Cheltenham Ladies College!"

The following day we are taken to the pub for one last beer and off to London to find Bill 'chill' Laurence who would put us up for 2 nights and make sure we have the appropriate kilimanjaro gear from his temple of outdoor activities and persuits; 'Decathlon' in canada water. However inevitably after shopping this resulted in more beers, burgers and dirty jokes. Now thoroughly prepared and tipsy as hell we arise at 6am and head to heathrow to Dubai as part of a transfer flight...negative. We did however on arrival (after complementary wine) steal the pillow cases from the flight, put them on our heads, and run off the aeroplane screaming "SHHHAALLALALLALA"...naturally this didn't bode well with security and we searched thoroughly on arrival....twice.

A short trip to the mall of Emirates, 44 degrees outside, instant sweaty sack, saw Jack Jenkins lookalike in full arab attire, spicey curry, paid too much on the metro, beers, world cup and the most uncomfortable departure lounge chairs i've ever had the discomfort to sit on; hence this very detailed and acute journalistic master peice of a blog. Currently 5am in Dubai and flying to Entebbe at 08:20...might get a luggage trolley and hit some serious speeds to pass the time. Righto I'm off, the next post will be from Uganda....

Banter and the Chode xx